Somehow, Here is Gone.

I go back to college tomorrow morning. Joy to the fucking world.

On the upside, new Heroes episodes start Monday, and I have four-months worth of my anti-depressant medication, so who knows, maybe I'll survive.

Stolen from Mike

Had more then 4 boyfriends/girlfriends?
No
Been in love?
Possibly
Been kissed?
Yes
Kept your New Years resolution?
Didn't have one.
Been injured?
Yep
Had a drunken night?
Many
Gotten high?
Yep
Made new friends?
Yeah
Lost any friends?
Yes
Dated someone you thought you had no chance with?
No
Liked a song only because it was on your boyfriend's/girlfriend's MySpace?
No
Made a MySpace?
Yeah
Had your birthday?
I forget my birthdays, they're not important to me.
Went to great America?
Yes and I never wish to again.
Went swimming?
Yes
Traveled out of the country?
Yes
Read any good books?
Yes
Ditched a friend?
Yep..
Made out with someone just so you can make someone else jealous?
No
Thrown up from drinking?
Yes
Gotten a new pet?
Couple o' years ago we got Benny ( dog )
Experienced something new?
Yeah
Went sledding?
Yeah
Played in the snow?
I love to.
Been chased by a stray animal?
Yeah
Been called a whore while walking down the street?
Actually, yep
Been in a fist fight?
Yeah
Been in a verbal fight?
Of course
Bought something for someone?
Mmhmm
Changed as a person?
I've become more cynical and ironically more concerned with what I say around friends, but mainly I've become horribly syndical.
Has 2006 been a good year?
In the words of the Mike, " FUCK NO."

In 2007...

Are you graduating?
Graduated High School in 2006, so nope.
Going to make a new years resolution?
Cute.
Going to have a drunk night?
I can't wait.
Going to get high?
Nah.
Going to have sex?
Who knows?
Going to a different school?
In college.
Going to move?
Back to my dorm room in college.
Going to make new friends?
Maybe.
Going to keep your MySpace?
I guess
Going anywhere special?
Nah
Going to party it up?
Maybe
Will 2007 be better then 2006?
I'm on pills and I plan to drink away any problems, so let's hope so.

Things you may not have known about me...

A) Four jobs I have had in my life
1. Waiter
2. Office Assistant
3. Fountain ( ice cream )
4. Middle man

B) Four movies I would watch over and over
1. Seven Samurai
2. The Last Samurai
3. Yojimbo
4. Either of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies

C) Four places I have lived
1. Cherry Hill, NJ
2. Moorestown, NJ
3. Staten Island, NY
4. --

D) Four TV shows I love to watch
1. Scrubs
2. Gungrave
3. Family Guy
4. Blue Gender
5. Heroes

E) Four places I have been on vacation
1. The Caribbean
2. Disney World
3. Marco Island

F) Four places I visit daily
1. Games Workshop
2. Mark's House
3. N/A
4. N/A

G) Four of my favorite foods
1. Shrimp
2. Pasta
3. Mark's mom's brownies
4. alcohol

H) Four places I would like to be right now
1. Japan
2. China
3. Chicago
4. My dad's house

I) Four friends I think will respost:
1. What's with this person and fours?

30 unknown facts/secrets about yourself

1. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
The fuck?

2. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Sleeping.

3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Watching Scrubs

4. Are you any good at math?
I can be

5. Do you have any pets?
Two dogs

6. Do you have any famous ancestors?
No

7. Are you mad at anyone right now?
Yes

8. Do you know the words to the song on your MySpace profile?
Yes, and seriously, enough with the MySpace.

9. Last thing received in mail?
Thank you note from my uncle.

10. How many different drinks have you had today?
I don't know.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
Sure

13. Any plans for tonight?
Nope

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
I hate the beach

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
I dunno

16. What's outside your back door?
Shit.

17. Do you have plans on friday night?
Work.

18. Do you like the ocean?
Oceans have sharks. Sharks remind me of Jaws. Nuff said.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
Once, and I hated it.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Yes.

22. Something you are excited about?
No.

23. Who around you has the most problems?
Who the fuck cares?

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No.

25. Describe your ______?
Um...die?

26. Where do you keep your change?
Wallet.

27. when was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
When I flipped out at work.

28. do you like anyone right now?
Yes

29. what was the weather like on your birthday?
Rain

30. do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed, locked and with a ton of shit in front of it.

Christmas was enjoyable... but the entire day, and even the night when I was at Mark's house enjoying time with his family ( who I see as nothing more than an extension of my own ), I couldn't help but think of my uncle, his fiance' teenager and their child aka my cousin... Happiness has an interesting way of hiding sadness, and then revealing it at juuuust the appropriate moment.

Anyhoo, I got a Wii for Christmas, which was great. And with my money I bought an Xbox 360, a second controller, F.E.A.R and Gears of War. Fantastic.

Work is interesting, everything has changed. Grace is actually helpful now, Darryl is the most reliable waiter I've ever worked with and I've gained IMMENSE respect for him because of his now six month long straight-edge streak in order to spend more time with his daughter and thusly work harder for her. That 26 year old is admirable, and makes me wish I had something to work so hard for.

Dan came into Friendly's today while we were slow to tell me that he was headin' back to TCNJ. That had to be the most awkward "goodbye" I've ever experienced. I said " allright, bye dude " and reached in for a hug. We both stopped midway and froze, and then gave one hell of a strange hug and were silent as he left and I just kinda walked behind the server's wall. Maybe it was accidental, I dunno... but at the same time, I can't help but feel like that awkwardness is my doing, being as how I've been really upset that he's staying at college to work, and thus I've only been with him for three days.. not even because of work and us being out all the time. You know... I used to worry about when I can see my father because of work, and especially because of college. But it suddenly dawned upon me. Even when Dan and I live under the same roof... I think I actually saw him for LESS TIME than I saw my father, who I now only see on random occasions and talk to on phone calls. We're BROTHERS for fuck's sake, and I have YET to see his house at college, meet his college friends, say "hi, nice to meet you, I'm James ( dan's pathetic brother-- though I wouldn't say that part out loud ) " to his girlfriend or, one of the things that killed me the most, take him to one of my therapy sessions. A while back when Dr. Wexler was still a therapist ( he retired ), he said he would have liked to speak with both me and Dan--- that never happened, I was too scared to ask. Now I've got this new therapist, and Dan's gone anyway, so that idea is down the proverbial drain. When did we get to the point in which we couldn't simply hang out together for more than five minutes of awkward silence? Repeating the point, we're BROTHERS! There is the holidays. Joy, that's what seeing distant family members are for, not for seeing my brother! Hell, if things are already this separate with both my father and now Dan, then what in the hell is going to happen with my mom eventually? Or Mark? Or Gaur?

ARGH

Well, with two exams down the drain, tomorrow is International Politics, possibly my best class of them all. I'm not concerned about my grade. And because I'm leaving Tuesday night I can happily say I won't have to see my son of a bitch roommate for the next six weeks.

I = Happy

How about that, I'm still alive. And to top it off, I'm on here now because I wanted to see if any one of my friends still used this thing. I know Mike does, and I thiiiink that Gaby does.

Anyway, three days till I go home from college on Tuesday night, so farewell to Staten Island and Manhattan.

Fare thee well!

P.S.
Mike rocks, he knows why.

PHANTASY STAR UNIVERSE TOMORROW! YEAH!

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!

So here's the deal: October 6 through 10th is our Fall Break. And since my mother doesn't want to pick me up and bring me home to see everyone, I'll be going to Conneticut with Curt for the four days.

And on even awesome-er news, my dad's visiting me this saturday around 1-ish. AWESOME! Seeing my mom isn't as big a deal since I see her all the time ( being as how I live with her when not in school ) but my dad, now there's a guy I love to see.

>.O AND ON AN AGGRIVATED NOTE, WHEN I TELL SOMEONE I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING, IT MEANS " I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" GRAHHHH!!!

Don't Ask.

I am now a college student at Wagner College

Monday and Wednesday: Political Philosophy and Macroeconomics

Tuesday and Thursdy: Reflective Tutorial ( some writing class that's required ) and International Politics

Friday: Political Philosophy

AND

Tuesday: Hopefully see Gaby! This is what I'm looking forward to most.

O.o; Gaby, this'l have to wait till after four o'clock! My last class on Tuesday ends at 4:10

Tomorrow: College Orientation weekend begins

Monday: First day of classes

Dig it.

No longer public.

Friends only.

Tell me, are you one?

oh yeah.

Fuck human beings. Most people don't wanna hear it, but human beings SUCK.

Night.

Lesse... Wednesday night, I work from 6 PM to 10 PM, stopped taking tables at 9:30 PM and made $58, which is certainly more than ten dollars per hour. According to my superiors, " the lil bastard is doin' too damn good." Awesome, I work again Friday night from 6-11.

Anyhoo, so Mike told me two days ago ( wednesday ), that Caitlyn apologizes. Well.... That's all well and good. She gave him an explanation about whatever was going on, and to be honest, I didn't really pay much attention when he recalled it and recited it to me. I'll say now what I said to him. An indirect apology, or an apology through another person is WORTHLESS to me. If anyone has had a problem with me ( and in this case Caitlyn ) and I'm not online for example and you wanna apologize, then for fuck's sake, APOLOGIZE TO ME. Don't just see that I'm not online one day and decide to "pass it on" and then go off to be happy again. You can't just toss it out there and run like hell. FACE THE FUCKING PROBLEM. I'd never do that to you or anyone else, and I expect some kinda balance there.

Allright, time to breathe.

And on a much lighter, more nostalgic note. Apparently it is only 18 days till Caitlyn visits Gaby. A while back all three of had the idea for the two of them to come down and visit me....

I suddenly doubt it's going to work out.

Now before both my brothers Dan ( biological ) and Mike ( spiritual, kinly ) tell me to calm the fuck down and control myself, I'm gonna go.

Tonight, my first night of serving (waiting) at Friendly's. I was in the Front Section ( least amount of business of the three main sections ). And I found out first hand how dead Monday nights are. I walked out with $47 after walking in with $26 in change, so I made only $21 in tips. But since I had five tables only and I was in the front, that's pretty damn good and says that I'm doing quite well in regards to service.

I'm working a busy wednesday and friday too, so it should be good. All you bastages come visit me and gimme money!

Oh yeah, last night I hung out with Mark, Flores ( eric ), Justin and Andrea, and we watched Waiting, picked up Pat's drunk ass, and then Mark, Pat and I went to a Wawa in Hainesport ( DUDE! I didn't even know that Hainesport, NJ even existed!!! ) and got food at 3:30 in the friggen morning. Man it was satisfying.

Then after I woke up in Mark's new house ( which is kickass ), I went to Games Workshop for most of the day and hung around before going off to work-- the results of which are in my first lil paragraph.

School tomorrow, I'm beat tired and I don't want to deal with fucking Ms. Aubert, Mr. Smirth and Mrs. Gellarclark. DAMNIT!

Ms. Aubert needs to be taped into a closet or something for a while, and Mrs. Gellarclark just needs to be imprisoned for bitchiness.

Yo, and I ain't emo to those of you that have been sayin' so!

Lesse.. Gaur came over, we watched Waiting and then headed over to the Moorestown Mall. I played some DDR, we shopped around, found nothing, and went to Best Buy. Then I bought the entire Blue Gender anime series and Final Fantasy IV for Game Boy Advanced, so now I owe Gaur $2.66, which he lords over me with just to annoy me.

Lesse, then we went back home, watched a bit of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and that's basically all there was to it.

Final Fantasy IV is kinda fun, but so far I think it's a tad bit over rated, though don't get me wrong, the game is still quality. Blue Gender, that I'll have to get around to watching again soon.

Now lesse.... I've been condemned with a big ol, flat out "fuck you, too." from Caitlyn. Since I said nothing of the sort nor implied anything similar to her, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that there is someone else she's said "fuck you" to prior to me-- and also her away message said "And while I'm at it, fuck everyone else I've ever had feelings for!"

Oh yeah, I couldn't stay over Elena's house ( no getting drunk, cause driving home drunk would be baaaaaaad. ) so I stayed home and so on.

This about sums up my day, I'll probably go to bed soon. I may just sleep on the couch in the basement sheerly out of laziness.

Oh snap, right, Dan stopped by for like, twenty minutes and amused me by playing a guitar missing a string. Thanks for the smile or two, Dan.

I'm off.

Just found out that I am now a full server ( waiter ) at Friendly's. I work four days this week as a waiter, which is awesome. Oh, and I'm subbing for Aaron so he can go party and shyte.

Awesome, now I'll have waiter experiance, and maybe when in college, I'll be better off checkin' out resturants.

Whoo, and hopefully I can go to Elena's 21st birthday party, that'll be enjoyable if I can.

I'm off

Well, I just found out that my General Manager wants to make me a full-fledged server by next week. FANTASTIC!

So, as a result, I'm hoping that when I'm in college, I can get a waitering job in Manhattan or something to keep myself going, it might be fun..

Anyhoo, Valentine's Day is over, today is over, Lost is on, so my night is getting along well.

Adios

Gaby was kind enough to text me with a "happy valentine's day," which was sweet of her.

Other than that, I received a few lectures from some friends that thought I should "cheer up" on Valentine's day.

It's Valentine's day, need I say more?

Lesse... woke up at two PM today, hung out with Pat and Megan, went to Best Buy, bought episodes 5-12 of Samurai 7, which I think comes with the Manga!! Oh, I got Cowboy Bebop: Knockin' On Heaven's Door ( the movie ), as well as Gauntlet: Seven Sorrows, Pat bought me System of a Down: Mezmerize ( needed it ), and I bought Megan a copy of Edward Scissorhands, Mark a copy of Audition ( f'ed up movie ) and watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose ( an okay movie, but definantly f'ed up. )

I bought a couple of shirts too, a yellow Samurai Champloo one, a yellow FLCL shirt and a black Trigun shirt. Oh, and a keychain of Lt. Colonel Mustang ^-^

Oh, and I came home at 12:12 AM instead of 12:00 AM, and got my car taken away for today ( Tuesday ). Fuck.

Couple more hours and then I'll be spending time momentarily at Shoprite to wait for Dan before he drives us both to my aunt's house for the christmas eve party there. Which means I basically just get some gifts, everyone else gets their gifts, I sit around quiet, lonely and bored while everyone else converses. The kids ( Brian, Phillip, Greg ), when together act too damn immature and annoying for me to tolerate, and the "adults", i.e., Dan, Chrissy and going up from there, are in their own conversations about things I don't care about, or generally have nothing to do with. Plus the general trend is when I get involved, I make a "stupid" comment and then I get ignored again.

And then there's Gaur, who decided to call me at noon to ask to hang out. That's cool, but we couln't think of anything to do and we decided not to. Then he calls back twenty minutes later and says he wants to come over so that we can "talk" about something important. I said to do it online cause I'm not opening the door or getting dressed any time soon. Yeah, I'm online, he's away. I wonder what he wants to talk about. But knowing Gaur, something heavily melodramatic that's also a lie to us.

On the upside, I'm eating one DAMN good Smoked Turkey, Black Forest Ham, American Cheese melt. It's mouth watering good.

Tis the season to be jolly.

Ever feel replacable, or rather, REPLACED?

Yeahh... feelin' that right about NOW.